A new American hero
TRAVERSE CITY — I have a new American hero: Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman. Republicans really went after him at the impeachment hearing Tuesday. They called him a leaker. They questioned his character. They insinuated he was disloyal to the U.S. They even mocked him for wearing his military uniform. But nothing bothered him. He answered every insult politely and firmly and there was no doubt to any reasonable mind that he was telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I couldn’t have been that composed. I’d have met stupid with stupid and answered every barb by tapping the Purple Heart on my chest and saying, “Question this, bub!” But that’s just me.
Really, the smears seemed like a desperate ploy. What did Republicans think would happen, that Vindman would crack and say, “You got me! I’m a Hillary fanboy and I made up all the stuff about the president’s phone call just to get back at him. I’m with her! I’m with her! I’m with her!”
“I’m with her!” was one of Hillary’s 4,372 campaign slogans. What, you don’t remember?
I’ve heard some people say the hearings are too dull. Too dull? What else is on TV during the day? You’re telling me the impeachment of a president isn’t better than “Wheel of Fortune”?
OK, maybe that’s a bad choice. Wheel of Fortune rocks. But the hearings are definitely more compelling than “The Bold and the Beautiful,” right? I mean, sure, this week, after Ridge confronted her, Hope finally admitted that she killed her estranged husband Thomas but he had it coming because he became unhinged and offered Douglas, their son, in return for sex with her and …
Oh, OK, I get it, that’s more interesting, too. But, c’mon, this is your country here, people. Pay attention. To keep people informed, maybe they should offer a daily recap of the hearings done in soap style. Call it “As the Trump Turns.”
Last week, President Trump didn’t watch the hearings because he was “too busy.” This week, he said he caught Vindman’s testimony and that he “never saw the man” before. That probably means Vindman doesn’t golf.
Ambassador Volker was expected to be a pro-Trump witness. Instead his memory suddenly improved since his last testimony, and he said he, too, is now aware that military aid was conditioned on a Biden investigation. That’s a bad sign for Trump. One by one, the rats are jumping ship. Within a few weeks, you watch, the Republicans will be saying impeaching Trump was their idea all along.
I suspect even Devin Nunes can see what’s coming. His attacks are sounding sillier and sillier by the minute, and by the look on his face, he knows it.
In non-Trump news, if such a thing exists, a vegan is suing Burger King saying they didn’t tell him the vegetarian Impossible Burger is cooked on the same grill as beef burgers. He said he could tell because the burger was delicious.
The new “Charlie’s Angels” movie has been declared a flop at the box office. Does that mean teenagers will finally stop posing like the angels for pre-prom photos?
An airline called EasyJet says it will operate the first-ever net-zero carbon flights. That’s noble, I guess, but I’d rather have an inch more knee room.
– “If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain
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Andrew Heller, an award-winning newspaper columnist, appears weekly in the Daily Press. He graduated from Escanaba Area High School in 1979. Follow him at andrewheller.com and on Facebook and Twitter. Write to him via email at firstname.lastname@example.org.