Annie Lane

Dear Annie: My sister, “Jenna,” is 38 and recently started selling handmade candles online. I was excited for her at first; it’s a big step to start your own business. But now, every conversation somehow turns into a pitch. She’ll bring candles to family dinners and “gift” them, only to follow up later asking for social media shoutouts or reviews. At our mom’s birthday, she gave everyone “custom scents” and then passed around her business cards.

I want to support her, but it’s getting awkward. I don’t think she realizes how pushy it’s coming across. My husband joked that we can’t invite her anywhere without a table for her products. I laughed, but it hit a nerve.

We’re close, and I don’t want to embarrass her or make her feel unsupported. But I also don’t want every gathering to feel like a sales event. Is there a kind way to bring this up without sounding like I’m criticizing her passion? — Burnt Out Sister

Dear Burnt Out: No one wants to feel like they are being sold to, especially by their own family. It’s important to be supportive, but you don’t need to accept the fact that every family event is now turning into a sales pitch.

There’s a time and a place for business talk, and it’s OK to set boundaries. Frame it with care: “I love that you’ve found something you’re passionate about, but I’ve noticed our family time has started to feel more like a sales event.” Keep it short and stick to how it’s affecting the family dynamic, not her intentions.

If she’s receptive, great. If not, you can limit how much time you spend with Jenna until she cools off about the candles.

Dear Annie: I’ve been best friends with “Dani” since college. We’re both 34 now, and our lives have gone in different directions — she’s single and travels often, while I’m married with a toddler. We still talk regularly, but lately, I’ve noticed she’s started copying little parts of my life. She’s taken up my hobby (pottery), started using the same phrases I say and even bought the same purse I have.

At first, I brushed it off as flattery. But when she told me she’s considering moving to my neighborhood “just to be closer,” it felt … strange. She’s never mentioned wanting to leave her area before.

She hasn’t done anything directly hurtful, but it’s starting to feel like my identity is being mirrored. I don’t want to sound paranoid or accuse her of something she may not even realize she’s doing. But it’s beginning to feel like I can’t share parts of my life without them being absorbed.

Is this something I should address, or am I overthinking it? — Too Close for Comfort

Dear Too Close: They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it’s important that you feel like you can have your own identity. And when someone mirrors it too closely, it can be unsettling.

Start by giving her the benefit of the doubt. Some mimicry is natural in close friendships.

If she continues adopting aspects of your life, then it’s fair to bring it up more directly. Focus on how it makes you feel, not what she’s doing wrong. “Sometimes I feel like parts of my life aren’t really mine anymore. I know that’s probably not your intention, but I wanted to be honest.”

There’s no need to accuse her of copying; just share your experience.

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Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.