No fence-sitters on Line 5

TRAVERSE CITY — There are no fence-sitters on Line 5, including me. I’m squarely on the side that says oil and water don’t mix. It makes no sense to risk the Great Lakes based on the word of a company with a lousy record of keeping oil and gas, you know, actually inside its pipes. (Right, Kalamazoo? We should trust them, right?)

– It doesn’t matter that Apple says Siri will no longer automatically record everything you say and do. People won’t believe it. Once burned, forever shy. By the way, here’s a scary line from the news account I read: “While the data is anonymized, those conversations included identifiable details like a person’s name, medical records, drug deals and people having sex.” And, oh, by the way, Facebook and Microsoft listen to you, too. Once people figure that out, expect the birth rate to drop. “Shhh, Zuckerberg might hear us.”

– The pumpkin spice thing: Simply. Won’t. Die. Why? Tell me why?

– I plan to ask her, “Siri, are you recording everything we say?” I wonder what response they’ve programmed for that.

– You didn’t ask but I predict the Detroit Lions will (drum roll, please) … stink to high heaven once again!

Man, really went out on a limb there.

– A new poll shows all five top Democrats beating Trump in Michigan. And polls like that are exactly why Trump will win not just Michigan but the White House. Voters who think their candidate is a shoo-in don’t bother to vote. Voters who think their candidate is an underdog do.

– If corruption charges are eventually filed and proven against United Auto Workers President Gary Jones stick, you can kiss what remains of the union movement in the U.S. goodbye.

– After reading about the fatal mauling of 9-year-old Emma Hernandez in Detroit, I don’t care what pit bull owners say, the breed should be banned. They’re the dog equivalent of assault rifles. (And spare me your sanctimony. I know “pit bull” isn’t a specific breed. But I’m pretty sure we all know one when we see one.)

– Summer doesn’t end until Sept. 23. So why does it always feel like the last week before school starts is really the end of it?

– The lovely yet formidable Marcia and I are empty nesters with no reason to schedule vacation according to the school calendar, but we still do anyway. Habits die hard.

– I know almost no occasional podcast listeners. People seem to be either all in or all out. Why isn’t there an all-podcast station on TV?

– Why is it that movies come in groups? For instance, “Bohemian Rhapsody,” “Rocketman,” “Yesterday” and now “Blinded by the Light.” That can’t be coincidence, but many of them would have had to be in production at the same time, yes?

“Today I escaped from anxiety. Or no, I discarded it, because it was within me, in my own perceptions – not outside.” Marcus Aurelius.

— — —

Andrew Heller, an award-winning newspaper columnist, appears weekly in the Daily Press. He graduated from Escanaba Area High School in 1979. Follow him at andrewheller.com and on Facebook and Twitter. Write to him via email at andrewhellercolumn@gmail.com.