Annie Lane

Dear Annie: It began with small comments — they said the guest bed wasn’t comfortable and our towels smelled odd. Wanting to be gracious, my wife bought brand-new towels before their next visit. But then they complained the new ones were too small. On their following trip, the criticism shifted to our dishes and silverware, which they claimed weren’t clean. Now, whenever they visit, they take utensils from our drawers and re-wash them before using them.

What bothers me most is that they rarely say anything directly to me. Instead, they wait until I’m out of the room and then air their complaints to my wife. It feels disrespectful and ungrateful, especially since we go out of our way to host them. I’ve reached the point where I don’t even want them to come back. My wife tries to smooth things over, but I’m fed up.

Would it be wrong of me to draw the line and stop inviting them? — Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: You are not wrong to feel fed up. Hosting friends should be about laughter and connection, not constant critiques of your linens and cutlery. It is not only ungracious; it is disrespectful.

You and your wife have tried to accommodate their complaints, but the moving target suggests the problem is not really the towels or the silverware. It is their attitude. The next time they propose a visit, be honest. Tell them their criticisms have made hosting stressful, and you would like to take a break. If they are true friends, they will take the hint and change their behavior. If not, you have freed yourselves from being treated like hotel staff.

Dear Annie: I’m the mother of two grown sons. My youngest is married, but the marriage has strained our once-close relationship. He always dreamed of having children, but his wife changed her mind after they married. She seems to control every aspect of their life together — social plans, family visits, even how often he calls me.

At first, I liked my daughter-in-law, but over time she has become distant and manipulative. She tells my son I’m a bad influence and even mocks our closeness by calling him a “mama’s boy.” He used to call me weekly, but now it’s down to once a month, even though we live only 30 minutes apart. If I try to say anything, she twists my words into something negative.

Recently, they joined a new church, and now my son lectures me about needing to change and “be the mom I used to be.” I don’t even know what that means; I’ve always been kind and supportive to both of them. Meanwhile, I get along beautifully with my stepchildren and their spouses.

I feel like I’m losing my son, and it breaks my heart. How do I handle this without pushing him further away? — Sad Mom

Dear Sad Mom: It’s painful to feel shut out of your son’s life, especially when you once shared such closeness. But trying to battle his wife will only drive him further away. The best path forward is to keep showing steady love without judgment, while giving him space to manage his own marriage. If you stay warm and open, your son will want to visit more.

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Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.