×

They broke up — is now the time to profess long-felt love?

Dear Annie: I’m a 31-year-old man, and I believe I’m in love with my friend. It’s been a year now that I’ve been feeling this way about her, but I haven’t expressed my feelings. At first, the reason was that she was in a relationship with a man for a long time. I never made a move because I didn’t want to cause problems for them. They broke up late last year (for reasons having nothing to do with me).

Now that my friend is single, I don’t know whether I should tell her how I feel. Is it still too early for her to start a new relationship? — Lover and Friend

Dear Lover: You can’t yank cupid’s arrow from your heart, no matter how hard you try. So it’s really not a matter of if you should tell her how you feel but when. I concede your point that it might be early for her to consider another steady, serious relationship, so perhaps wait it out for another month. But don’t wait too long — or you’ll be standing on the sidelines once again, wondering what might have been.

If she ends up feeling the same way, fantastic! And if not, at least you’ll know and can begin moving on.

Dear Annie: At the outset, I have to congratulate you for producing a valuable audiobook. Is there a downside to listening to an audiobook with rapt attention and totally engrossed in the subject that you begin to forget that you are still in charge of a 3,000- to 4,000-pound behemoth? I have heard about the possible dangers of taking even hands-off telephone calls while driving, but I don’t know about listening to audiobooks. I would not consider listening to music the same as attentively listening to a topic on audiobook. — Haridas KV

Dear Haridas: Great question! It turns out that it depends what the driving conditions are. A 2018 study found that in simple driving situations — i.e., less traffic and calmer surroundings — listening to the audiobook actually improved drivers’ reaction times. But in more complex environments — i.e., more traffic, busier surroundings — listening to an audiobook worsened drivers’ reaction times. So if you’re planning a long trip with plenty of open road, then listen away. If you’re navigating busy streets, then stick to music or silence.

Dear Annie: I’m 75, and my wife is 70. We have often heard or read about a spouse being disabled or dying leaving the other with the responsibilities they had previously assumed.

We periodically meet with our financial adviser, estate lawyer and accountant who all know each other and work together. Of course, we have wills, trusts, powers of attorney and living wills. In addition, I’ve prepared several folders that my wife or executors can refer to so that transitions are made easier.

One folder lists all our assets, insurances, regular bills and important records and their locations and phone numbers of managers. This includes the websites, passwords and file names of the documents kept on the computer. Another lists all the chores that are necessary to manage the house and vehicles along with their frequency and who could do them in my absence. Another folder includes diagrams of the systems in the house and how to manage them, including photos. These include water conditioners, thermostats, etc.

About once a year we go over all these lists to update.

We know that no amount of preparation would be sufficient during a crisis, but writing down information is comforting. — Preparing

Dear Preparing: I’m printing your letter to inspire others to take this kind of initiative. Nobody wants to think about worst-case scenarios, but as you’ve testified to, actually sitting down, putting pen to paper and establishing a plan can be soothing. Thanks for writing.

— — —

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

NEWSLETTER

Today's breaking news and more in your inbox

I'm interested in (please check all that apply)
Are you a paying subscriber to the newspaper? *
   

Starting at $4.62/week.

Subscribe Today