Remember when facts were facts

FLINT — Doesn’t it seem like Trump has been in office for years already? Remember the good old days when facts were facts, Sweden, Bowling Green and Atlanta hadn’t yet been attacked, and 70 percent of the country wasn’t going, “Oh sweet Jesus, what have we done?”

– OK, riddle me this: If the news is so fake, how come Trump keeps watching and reading so much of it?

– Mike Pence spent the week assuring European allies that Trump really doesn’t want to ditch NATO. I guess others in the administration are having to do the same kind of thing. I don’t want to tell them how to do their jobs but wouldn’t it be more efficient to just appoint a “Secretary of Walking Back Dumb Stuff the President Said”? I mean, it’s not like it’s going to stop, right?

– I love all the protest marches. I love that Dems are packing town halls and showing some spirit. It’s long since past due — the center left has been too passive, too nice and too uninvolved for too long. But I didn’t like the name of the “Not My President’s Day” rallies. Sorry, they don’t get off that easy. Trump wasn’t elected because of some Republican tide. He was elected because Democrats — including many of those people who are suddenly awake — either didn’t show up or voted for third party candidates because they didn’t like Hillary. Let’s not forget that.

– Best audience comment I heard at one of the town halls was from a woman who was angry about the coming demise of Obamacare. She said to her Republican lawmaker: “You ask us to be calm, cool and collected. But what kind of insurance do you have?”

– Exactly. (The answer is he has really good insurance paid for by the government. Irony, it doth sting.)

– All of a sudden there’s a flurry of commercials by restaurants and food manufacturers about how they put real food in their food. Have you noticed? If you have, maybe you also noticed that the actors doing the voiceovers don’t say “food,” like you or I would say it. They say “ffffood.” I’m sorry. It bugs me. And, yes, I pay way too close attention for my own good. I need to stop it. By the way, the Panera woman is the biggest offfffender. She sounds like a leaky tire.

– The president of Iceland says if it were up to him pineapple on pizza would be banned. He’s wrong, of course. Pineapple and ham pizzas are delicious. Now if he’d said feta and spinach, I’d be right behind him. Those things on pizza are an abomination and an insult to all that is good and decent.

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” -Elbert Hubbard.

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Andrew Heller, an award-winning newspaper columnist, appears weekly in the Daily Press. He graduated from Escanaba Area High School in 1979. Follow him at and on Facebook and Twitter. Write to him via email at