Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I recently introduced my 62-year-old husband to emojis, and now I fear I’ve made a huge mistake. Every text I receive — whether it’s “Pick up milk” or “Your sister called” — is followed by a winking face, a heart and, inexplicably, a rocket ship. He signs grocery lists with smiley faces. He even sent our plumber three flame emojis.

I’ve gently suggested that not every situation requires digital fireworks, but he says the emojis “make every message more fun.” Must I accept a future filled with cartoon faces, or is there a tactful way to dial it down? — Lost in Translation

Dear Lost in Translation: Be grateful! In a world where many spouses communicate in silence, you’ve got one sending hearts and rocket ships. A man who wants to keep things upbeat is a keeper — even if he texts like a 14-year-old.

Dear Annie: We live in a very small community. Our neighbors, “Jimmy” and “Elaine,” terrorized another couple, “Paul” and “Denise,” for weeks — screaming obscenities at them through their front door, making up lies about them, making obscene gestures every time they saw them and even engaging in road rage!

This all started after Jimmy accused Paul of touching Elaine inappropriately. This supposedly happened in a public place with many people around, but no one saw anything. Elaine later emailed Denise saying Paul touched her hip and it made her uncomfortable, but that’s not what Jimmy accused Paul of doing. Paul apologized for it more than once to no avail. And this isn’t the only time the community has had issues with Jimmy.

After this awful incident, my husband and I decided we wanted nothing to do with Jimmy and Elaine. Jimmy’s a veteran and clearly struggles with anger issues, which we empathize with, but he’s a loose cannon, and we don’t want to be his next target for something conjured in his imagination. So, we ignore them and avoid community events if they’ll be there and leave if they show up. It’s awkward.

My husband believes no one should acknowledge them, but the rest of the community has moved on and acts as if nothing happened (except Paul and Denise, mind you, they remember!). We don’t want to invite more drama, but we don’t want to associate with people who treat others this way, either.

Are we handling this correctly, or is there a better way? Should we turn the other cheek or hold bullies accountable? — Loose Cannon Next Door

Dear Loose Cannon Next Door: You and your husband aren’t wrong to protect your peace. Choosing distance from people who behave unpredictably isn’t cowardly; it’s wise.

But turning the other cheek doesn’t mean turning a blind eye. There’s middle ground between confrontation, which may only inflame things, and pretending nothing happened. Quietly standing by Paul and Denise sends its own clear message about where you stand.

Keep interactions with Jimmy and Elaine brief and civil. If lines are crossed again, document it and let the proper channels handle it. Small towns thrive on drama; you don’t have to feed it.

Sometimes the strongest statement is a calm, consistent refusal to participate in the chaos.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.