Annie Lane

Dear Annie: My 11-year-old son, “Max,” used to eat, sleep and breathe baseball. He wore his glove to the grocery store, slept in his favorite team T-shirt and spent hours in the backyard throwing a ball against the fence, narrating imaginary World Series games.

This year he finally made the local travel baseball team, which was supposed to be a dream come true. Instead, it has turned into a slow-motion heartbreak.

The coach, “Brian,” is one of those old-school, win-at-all-costs types. He yells when kids strike out, rolls his eyes when someone misses a grounder and has actually said things like, “Maybe baseball just isn’t your sport,” loudly enough for everyone to hear. He rarely plays my son, and when Max does get in the game, the coach seems to be waiting for him to fail.

My once confident, baseball-obsessed kid now asks if we “have to” go to practice. He says he’s “bad at baseball” and talks about quitting altogether. When I gently raised my concerns with Coach Brian, he brushed me off and said the boys “need to toughen up” if they want to compete.

I don’t want to be that overprotective parent who runs to the rescue every time life gets hard, but I also don’t want one season with a harsh coach to crush my son’s love for the game.

Do I pull him from the team, talk to the league or let this be a “lesson in resilience” and stay out of it? — Worried Baseball Mom

Dear Worried: You are not overreacting. There is a big difference between a coach who pushes kids to work hard and a coach who chips away at their confidence. From what you describe, this sounds much more like the latter.

First, talk to Max away from the field. Ask what he wants. Does he still love baseball but hate this team? Does he want to finish the season, switch teams next year or walk away now? Let him know that you’ll support whatever decision he makes.

Then, if you have the energy, try one more brief, calm conversation with the coach or the league: “My son is coming home discouraged and saying he’s bad at baseball. I’m concerned about how feedback is being delivered.” Their response will tell you a lot.

If nothing changes and Max is miserable, you are allowed to pull him — and to look for another team with a different coach who actually understands how to work with kids. One harsh season should not cost a child his love for the game. At 11, the goal is not to “toughen up at all costs.” The goal is teamwork, resilience and joy.

You are not rescuing him from life. You are rescuing him from an unnecessary bully in a ball cap.

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“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now. Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Go to http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.