Annie Lane

Dear Annie: My husband has been coaching our 8-year-old son’s soccer team this season. At first, I thought it would be a great bonding experience for them. Our son is an active, sweet kid who used to spend hours in the yard practicing his kicks and counting down the days until the next game. But now, that excitement is gone — and I think I know why.

My husband is a very intense coach. He shouts directions from the sidelines and gets visibly frustrated when the boys mess up, and after every game, he breaks down what went wrong play by play. He even critiques our son in the car ride home. He says he’s “just being honest” and that kids need to learn discipline. But I’ve seen our son’s confidence drop. He’s gone from loving soccer to asking if he can skip practice.

He told me last week, “I don’t think I’m good at soccer anymore. Dad gets mad when I mess up.” My heart broke hearing that. This is supposed to be a recreational league — a place for kids to have fun, learn and grow — but it’s become high-stress under my husband’s watch.

I’ve tried to talk to him about backing off a little, but he gets defensive. He says the boys need structure and that he’s trying to prepare them to succeed in life. I understand his intentions, but I’m worried his style is doing more harm than good.

How do I help him see that his approach may be crushing our son’s spirit — without turning this into a bigger conflict between us? — Sideline Mom With a Heavy Heart

Dear Heavy Heart: Your concerns are valid, and your instincts as a mother are spot-on. At 8 years old, kids should be playing sports because they enjoy them — not because they’re afraid of disappointing their coach, especially when that coach is also their dad.

Your husband may believe he’s helping by pushing the team to be better, but what he may not realize is that his approach could be discouraging the very child he wants to inspire. When a child who once loved soccer starts wanting to quit, that’s a sign something is off.

I encourage you to talk to your husband again, but this time from a place of shared love for your son. Show him this letter. Let him know you admire his dedication, but remind him that building confidence and joy in the game is more important than winning. Sometimes the most valuable lessons in sports aren’t about performance; they’re about resilience, teamwork and simply having fun.

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Keep standing up for your son’s emotional well-being. He’s lucky to have a mom who sees the big picture.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.