Annie Lane

Dear Annie: A couple I’ve been friends with for over 20 years is about to celebrate their daughter’s high school graduation. I recently received an invitation from the daughter, and while I was touched to be included, I’m feeling a little conflicted.

Over the past few years, the parents — who were once very close to me — have gradually stopped staying in touch. They no longer call or text when they’re in town, which they used to do regularly. I don’t know if life just got busy or if there’s some unspoken distance that’s grown between us. The graduation party would also require some travel, which makes me question whether it’s worth the effort given how things have changed.

I do want to honor the daughter and the occasion, but I’m unsure if showing up after such a long period of silence would feel awkward or unwelcome. Would it be better to attend and show support in person, or should I send a card and gift and leave it at that? — Feeling Distant

Dear Feeling Distant: If you’re interested in rekindling your friendship with the couple, then supporting their daughter for this milestone would be a lovely way of doing so. Actions speak louder than words, and showing up to this party would likely go further than a simple “I miss you.”

My guess? Life got busy for them, and they would be touched to see you at the party.

But attending isn’t without its risks; if you’d be particularly upset at the prospect of going to the party only to have nothing change in your friendship, then you could opt for a lower-investment way to initiate — perhaps a phone call.

Dear Annie: About five years ago, my younger brother “Henry” and I had a falling out over a family inheritance issue after our father passed away. Words were said that we both probably regret, but neither of us has made a move to reconnect since. We live in the same city but haven’t spoken, even at holidays. Our mother has tried a few times to gently encourage us to make amends, but we’ve both avoided the conversation.

Now, my brother’s wife just had their first child. I found out through a mutual cousin who saw the baby announcement on social media. Part of me wants to send a card or a small gift to acknowledge the birth and maybe open the door a little. But I also don’t want it to come across as shallow or too little, too late.

Is it appropriate to reach out after years of silence just because there’s a new baby in the picture? Or should I wait for a more direct opportunity to talk through what happened before trying to rebuild any kind of connection? — On the Sidelines

Dear On the Sidelines: Births and deaths have a way of making us realize just how short life is. If a small part of you wants to reconnect with Henry, then he probably feels the same — especially with a new child in the picture.

Reach out with a card or a small gift. Down the line, you can discuss what happened five years ago. But now is a time to celebrate.

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Annie Lane’s second anthology — “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.