Annie Lane

Dear Annie: I am 40 years old, and my husband is 44. When we first got together, he treated me well, but things changed. Now, whenever I visit him, he drinks heavily and becomes violent. He has beaten me more than once, and I am ashamed to say it has happened many times.

He has also cheated on me. He has four children, and despite everything, I still help him when he needs something. But he often blames me, blocks my calls and speaks cruelly to me. I cry myself to sleep many nights, and my health is suffering. My blood pressure goes dangerously high and low. Some days, I feel like I don’t want to live anymore.

I keep praying to God to help me save this marriage, but I am starting to feel completely lost. Sometimes, I think about my ex, who was kind to me, but I do not know where he is now. I just wish I could feel loved and safe again.

Is there hope for this marriage, or should I stop trying? — Feeling Hopeless

Dear Feeling Hopeless: First and most importantly, you are not alone, and you do not deserve the abuse you are experiencing. No one has the right to harm you physically or emotionally. Your safety and well-being are paramount.

The behavior you’ve described — physical violence, emotional manipulation, infidelity and neglect — is not only deeply hurtful but also dangerous. It’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and despairing. Please know that there is help available, and there are people who care about you and want to support you.

If you are in the United States, I urge you to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit thehotline.org. They offer confidential support and resources, and can help you develop a safety plan.

For immediate emotional support, you can reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988, or visit 988lifeline.org. They provide 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress.

Additionally, the Crisis Text Line offers support by texting HOME to 741741. Trained crisis counselors are available to listen and help you navigate through this difficult time.

Your life has value, and you deserve to live free from fear and harm. Please consider reaching out to these resources; they are there to help you take the first steps toward safety and healing.

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“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.