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How to leave a physically abusive marriage

Dear Annie: My husband and l have been married for 22 years. When we first married, it was young love. But throughout our marriage, he has been adulterous and abusive toward me, physically and verbally. I have a disability and have a hard time defending myself. He has choked me and held a knife to my throat and told me that one day he’ll kill me. I am 54 years old. I have nowhere to go. What should l do? — Trapped

Dear Trapped: I’m sorry that your husband has abused you so terribly for decades. Although it may seem like you have nowhere to go, I promise you that isn’t true. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) to be connected with resources in your area and begin making a safe escape plan. You should not have to live in fear for your life another day.

Dear Annie: I lost a family member to brain cancer last year. He was only in his 30s, and an incredibly bright, kind human being. May is National Brain Cancer Awareness Month, so I wanted to ask your audience to please consider donating to the National Brain Tumor Society, whose mission is “unrelentingly invests in, mobilizes, and unites our community to discover a cure, deliver effective treatments, and advocate for patients and care partners.” You can learn more and donate at https://braintumor.org. — For the Families

Dear For the Families: I’m glad to print your letter. Roughly 700,000 Americans are living with a primary brain tumor, including more than 13,000 children and 31,299 adolescents and young adults.

While brain cancer might have no early symptoms, the following are some things to watch out for, courtesy of Cancer.net:

–Headaches, which may be severe and worsen with activity or in the early morning.

–Seizures (which can include change in sensation, vision, smell and/or hearing without losing consciousness).

–Personality or memory changes.

–Nausea or vomiting.

–Fatigue.

–Drowsiness.

–Sleep problems.

–Memory problems.

–Changes in ability to walk or perform daily activities.

–Pressure or headache near the tumor.

–Loss of balance and difficulty with fine motor skills.

–Changes in judgment, including loss of initiative, sluggishness, and muscle weakness.

Talk with your doctor if you are experiencing any of the above symptoms.

Dear Annie: This is in response to your reply to “Regretful Mom,” who has struggled with depression and regrets not being present for her now-adult children. Another choice she can look into for helping her with working with the emotional memories connected to her past is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, also known as EMDR. Although people think of post-traumatic stress disorder as being related to extremely severe accidents or traumas, psychology is now aware that for lifetime events over several years, sexual abuse, multiple or ongoing difficulties that cause extreme emotional and mental anguish can also put someone at risk for suffering from PTSD. By using EMDR with a qualified therapist, a patient can recall these past events without experiencing the anguish. It is constructive in combination with talk therapy, and, when necessary, medication, whether short term or for a longer duration.

Thank you for letting me share this information. — Lorrie Finley

Dear Lorrie: Thank you for sharing it. Controlled and randomized clinical studies show that EMDR is efficient to treat PTSD. And although this is purely anecdotal, the treatment technique has helped friends of mine.

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“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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