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Husband keeps asking ex-boss to get physical

Dear Annie: My husband had an emotional affair with his boss. He texted her, called her and tried to go out with her. She did not reciprocate and, as far as I know, kept it strictly business. He told her his feelings, but she told him she was not interested. He quit his job after that but continued to text her, asking her to go out. She didn’t reply.

When I found out, he told me he just wanted to have sex with her, and her not giving in made him pursue her more. Now, I feel in second place in my marriage. Would he still be here if had she had said yes? What were his true feelings?

They only worked together and were never physically intimate. I am lost and don’t know what to do. — Lost and Alone

Dear Lost: What your husband did to you was disgraceful. You have every right to be upset and hurt. His intentions were enough for you to leave. You should seek the help of a professional marriage counselor to decide whether it is worth staying together. Best of luck.

Dear Annie: I’m a 24-year-old new mom to a gorgeous son. But I discovered that my husband was — and I’m 100% sure still is — cheating on me with someone who I thought I could trust. She has known us since I found out I was pregnant.

On the day that I brought my son home from the hospital, she was the first person to hold him outside of my husband and me. He keeps saying that she’s distancing herself from him because he turned her down for sex, but I went through his phone and saw a message from her saying to come over, and he said he was on his way.

I don’t know what to do. I love him so much, and he’s the father of my son. Help please. — Shocked and Saddened

Dear Shocked and Saddened: Congratulations on the birth of your gorgeous son. I am so sorry that your husband is unable to be present for you and your newborn. Sadly, some men feel jealous of a newborn and sometimes act out. This awareness in no way excuses his behavior.

While you can’t control his actions, you can control yours. Stop snooping on his phone and start having real and honest conversations with him about his infidelity. If this is to work, you have to seek the help of a counselor.

Dear Annie: I remember when my husband, my kid’s dad, used to threaten me with leaving if I didn’t kick out whichever kid had incurred his wrath. This would happen more times than not, with my pointing out that you don’t kick your kids out of the house because they make you angry or are irritating you.

Finally, I got tired of it, as it left our kids and me mentally and emotionally drained for days.

The next time the threat was issued, I didn’t say anything. Instead, I walked out to the garage and started bringing boxes in, along with a suitcase. He asked me what I was doing, and where did I think I was going? I told him that I wasn’t going anywhere but that since he was leaving, he’d need to pack his stuff.

Tell Grandma that if “Grumpy Gramp” honestly loved her, he wouldn’t ask her to choose between her grandkids and him. The relationship children have with their grandparents creates memories that last a lifetime.

Grumpy Gramp can be replaced. I’m sure he understands that the door swings both ways. — Been There

Dear Been There: Thank you for your letter. It highlights the importance of standing up to bullies, which is usually the best way to make them stop.

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“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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