TRAVERSE CITY — I posted a cartoon to my Facebook page this week of a teacher at her desk wearing a t-shirt bearing the words “I support merit pay for politicians” on it. That’s funny, of course. But I couldn’t resist adding this: “I agree. And while we’re at it, let’s give them a letter grade, too. And scold them for taking summers off. And require them to pay for regular skills training. And complain over and over again about how much they make. And lay them off. And expect them to fix our kids. And make them buy their own work materials. And blame them for most of society’s ills while paying them like crap. And expect them to come in early and stay late and grade papers at home.” A reader added: “And don’t forget — we have to arm them so they can be part-time commandos defending the schools.” A teacher added: “And have them stock food for kids who don’t have it at home because momma is working two jobs to be in a better neighborhood but makes too much for a Bridge card.”

– If you’re a teacher, thank you for putting up with all of that. And if you’re training to be one despite all that, you, my friend, are a saint.

– St. Johns, north of Lansing, is in the running to become the home of the first-ever eel farm in the nation. If they can also land sweetbreads, okra and liver farms, I may never drive through the city again. Not without barfing, anyway. How can anyone eat eels?

– As one of his final acts as governor, Rick Snyder pardoned a man described by a prosecutor as a “career drunk driver.” I won’t bother writing something critical about that. It speaks for itself.

– If chili didn’t exist, I’m not sure winter would be endurable. Mine is better than yours, by the way.

– Until I stopped commuting three hours a day for work, I didn’t realize what a physical and mental toll it had taken on me. So when I read stories about all the reasons America can’t possibly invest in high-speed commuter rail, I want to scream. This is killing us, people. Literally killing us.

– Just wondering: Do you realize that most medium to large daily newspapers in Michigan have about two-thirds or even three-fourths fewer reporters, editors, copy editors, photographers, artists etc. than they had 10 years ago? So if you’re ever wondering why people seem stupider these days and no one knows what’s going on in their communities, well, now you know.

– This week’s word I just like: balsam.

– I realize I’ve moaned and groaned for weeks about the new trend in baseball where a third of the teams tank before the season starts. And I know you’re probably sick of my whining about it, but I’m sorry, I can’t help it. This week a newspaper had a story about how the Tigers, who are in spring training, are saying they’re in it this year to win the World Series. Oh, please. They couldn’t win AA with that roster. And yet the Tigers will still charge MLB prices to watch it. That, my friends, is highway robbery. Worse, they’re violating the spirit of the sport.

– “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” – Seneca

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Andrew Heller, an award-winning newspaper columnist, appears weekly in the Daily Press. He graduated from Escanaba Area High School in 1979. Follow him at andrewheller.com and on Facebook and Twitter. Write to him via email at andrewhellercolumn@gmail.com.