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Brother is putting a price tag on family in tough times

Dear Annie: Eight years ago, my brother asked me to support his network marketing work by purchasing a service. Although we weren’t interested, my wife and I signed up to support him (and he was pretty insistent). I tried the service several times but didn’t feel that it was helpful. With the downturn in the economy, and a scary time for our family, we decided to cancel. It felt right to call him, but after I started to explain, he became irate and hung up. Although we reconciled the next day, I have lingering concerns. His follow-up text said, “We either hang together or we hang separately.” To me, that seems passive-aggressive and self-serving.

I want to help him — but we’ve already given $2,000 over the course of the past eight years for a service we don’t even want or use. It seems like a loyalty test. What also troubles me is the “monetization” of our relationship. What to do? What to say? — Brother’s Keeper

Dear Brother’s Keeper: Support is a two-way street, and your brother isn’t following the rules of the road.

You seem like a very empathetic person: First, you subscribed to a service for eight years solely because it was important to your brother that you do. And now, you’re distressed enough to write to me because you’re concerned that he is angry with you.

Since he doesn’t seem to have imagined your perspective on all of this, paint him a vivid picture: Let him know how you’ve interpreted his words and actions, and the way that has made you feel. Describe what your family is going through right now.

If he keeps up the passive-aggressive texts, don’t take the bait. Delete the messages, and set it aside and out of your mind. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Dear Annie: Your column often makes a good soapbox. Please allow me to stand on it. Several times within the last two months, I was met with a shopping cart in the middle of a parking space reserved for people with physical handicaps. It is aggravating, to say the least, but more of an irritation is that the cart was probably left there by someone who had a permit for the adjoining space.

Please readers, be considerate of others. If you are unable to push the cart into the corral, put it between the rows of spaces or at the front of the area between spaces. Those of you who are able-bodied can be better neighbors and citizens if, when you see this situation, you move the cart out of the way.

My need for a handicap permit is only temporary. I can walk (with pain), but I can assure you that I will be more aware of these conditions after I have healed. — Gregory S.

Dear Gregory: I’m happy to provide whatever soapbox I can to this very worthwhile message. I, for one, pledge to keep an eye out and move any shopping carts left in accessible parking spots.

Dear Annie: When my wife’s cancer came back, my brother invented “Nancytoons.” He would send two cartoons each day, which would relate in subject somehow (not to cancer, but to each other). It clearly required a lot of searching on his part and was a beautiful way of expressing his caring that brought a smile (sometimes a groan), without requiring a recital of her stage of illness. He kept this up for seven and a half years. Nancy died in 2018. Now, he keeps this up for friends in difficulty. — Gerard W.

Dear Gerard: I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. What a beautiful gesture from your brother. Love is in the little things.

I appreciate your sharing this story, especially now, at a time when many of us are feeling disconnected and dispirited. May we all be inspired to reach out to a friend or family member today.

— — —

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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