Brockways share their hearts and home

By Dorothy McKnight - For the Daily Press
RAPID RIVER — When Cara (Vietzke) Brockway and her husband, Don, were married and became parents of two young daughters, Cara said their plan was to add two more children to their family. Little did they know that within a few short years, the number of children in their family would triple in a totally unanticipated way.

When Cara’s sister, Tina, died unexpectedly in 2001 of a heart attack, Cara and Don soon became guardians of Tina’s three children. A scant two years later, a second sister, Joelle, also died suddenly, and Joelle’s 6-year-old daughter, Hayley, was also added to the Brockway household.

Although having four children almost instantly added to her family, Cara has taken on the extra responsibility in stride. Hard work was a family mantra for Cara and her six siblings. All took turns helping out in their parent’s family restaurant, the former Dew Drop in, in Gladstone. In fact, Cara was working as a waitress in the restaurant when she first met her future hubby.

“I served him,” she said, recalling that she and one of the other waitresses “had a sort of bet to see which of us he would ask out first.” Cara added with a beaming smile, “I won.”

Following their marriage in 1992, the couple moved to Baraga, where Don secured a position with the Baraga/L’Anse Village police department. Two daughters, Neena and Aslynn, soon joined the family. Twelve years ago, Don and Cara returned to the local area when Don joined the Delta County Sheriff’s Department as a deputy officer.

Cara’s sister, Tina, was only 44 when she passed away, leaving her family entirely stunned at the unexpected tragedy. However, the fragility of life was something Tina had become aware of in a glaring personal way. During her marriage to her first husband, Jim Miller, the couple adopted two Korean children, Daniel and Bethany. When the couple divorced in 1988, Tina married Gary Clark a year later. Within a year, when Tina was pregnant with their son, Gary was killed in a car/semi accident. In 1998, Daniel and Bethany’s father died of cancer.

“Tina talked with us about having us take the kids if something ever happened to her,” said Cara. “When Gary died, I think that’s why she began thinking about what would happen if she died, too. Of course we never dreamed it was a thing we would actually face. We knew she had health issues and she smoked, but we never dreamed she would die so young. I guess the smoking was the biggest issue.”

When the Brockways assumed guardianship of Tina’s children, Daniel was 17, Bethany was 15 and Gary Jr. was 11. The Brockways and their two daughters moved from their Gladstone house into Tina’s comfortable brick home in Rapid River.

“Tina left the house to the kids and we felt it was important for them to remain in their own home,” Cara said.

Sharing their parents with their three cousins didn’t come readily for Neena, now 13, and 11-year-old Aslynn.

“At first we thought about how difficult it would be,” said Aslynn. “We thought mom and dad would want to spend more time with them because their mother had died and me and Neena would be left out.”

“It actually turned out fine,” Neena added. “I had different expectations, but once we got to know each other, it was better than ever before.”

But the sudden death of Cara’s sister, Joelle, four years later at age 39, left the Brockway family facing yet another decision.

“About a year before she died, Joelle asked Don and I if we would take Hayley if something happened to her,” said Cara. “I tried to talk to her about getting life insurance. I told her that all she needed was enough to pay off her debts and to pay off her funeral expenses.”

However, adding Hayley to the family mix wasn’t difficult.

“I babysat for Hayley ever since she was born,” said Cara. “I watched her when Joelle worked and it was just like having a little sister in the house.”

The Brockways legally adopted Hayley a year after they assumed guardianship. She will be celebrating her 10th birthday next week.

“Now every single one of them embrace each other and we’ve made all of us a family,” said Cara.

Gary Jr. admits he was unsure about the decision to have him join the Brockway family.

“At first I didn’t know them very well,” he said. “But now we’ve grown together as a family. We fight, but we still get along.”

True to Gary’s words, as in any family, squabbling is rather routine among the youngsters.

“They fight but it’s the little things that are the most annoying to them,” said Cara. Sharing bedrooms, a bathroom, clothes and other belongings is the typical source of friction, particularly among the girls.

“It’s kinda hard having three girls in one bathroom,” Neena added. “But now we all have our own things in our own space, so it’s much easier.”

Cara merely rolls her eyes at the thought of the bickering. “We have to do ‘rock, paper, scissors’ just to see who lets the dog out,” she said.

But Cara is quick to give much of the credit to her husband, Don, for the successful melding of three families of children.

“He’s wonderful,” she said.”I don’t think people realize what he’s done and he doesn’t get a lot of credit. He’s taken on more than he ever expected and he’s been just amazing, especially with the two boys. He’s been very important to them. He’s been a very hands-on dad. I don’t think I could have done this without him.”

Although Don is hesitant to take credit for his willingness to take on the added responsibility of four children, he admits it was challenging in the beginning.

“We went from babies to teenagers almost overnight,” he said. “It was quite an experience!”

Although Cara and Don are treating their nieces and nephews as their own children, the older three address them “Auntie Cara” and “Uncle Don.”

“With the older ones, we’re like auntie and uncle, but actually we’re really like their parents,” said Cara. “But I don’t mind if they don’t call us mom and dad. Whatever they feel comfortable with is fine with us.”

But Aslynn was quick to share a recent happening. “Once when we were all saying good night to each other, Gary said ‘good night mom and dad.’ At first it seemed kinda weird having him call my mom and dad, ‘mom and dad,’ but now it seems cool.”

As the children have grown, life became even more complicated as the youngsters became involved in sports and other activities outside the family home.

“It was pretty easy when they were little, but now we have a lot of schedules to juggle,” said Cara. “But now that they are older and Dan and Beth are away at school, I can work a little more than I did when they were younger.”

Cara worked at the Rapid River Elementary School and now is employed as an instructional aide for Lakestate Industries and Pathways. In addition, she was elected to the Rapid River School Board early this week.

The fact that the older children have adjusted to their fate so readily gives Cara a great deal of satisfaction.

“They had every reason to turn out bad,” she said. “With a broken home, losing their mother, life hasn’t been particularly good to them. But they’re really good kids. I’m very proud of them.”

Daniel, now 24, is a student at Michigan State University where he is majoring in bio-chemistry. Bethany, 22, is enrolled in Central Michigan University where she is planning a career in physical therapy. Gary Jr. will graduate this year from Rapid River High School and plans to attend Bay de Noc Community College. Although he is unsure of a career choice, he is leaning toward a degree in either criminal justice or athletic training.

“Aslynn wants him (Gary) to move out because she wants his room,” Cara said with a laugh. “I guess she’ll have to wait a while.”

Although both Cara and Don are only 36 years old, has Cara ever regretted her decision to take on the responsibility of raising her sisters’ children?

“Never!” she responded emphatically. “We made a promise and both Don and I want to do our best. We’re not perfect but we do the best we know how. Every one of them has their own place in the family and they’re loved for themselves.”

Cara was quick to point out that her situation isn’t very different than that of thousands of other families in this country.

“Everyday people take on these responsibilities all the time,” she said. “There are families that are going through divorce and the family is split apart, and lots of grandparents are raising their grandchildren. So we’re not that special.”

But despite her willingness to accept the multiple responsibility, she did share one desire that she knows will remain unfulfilled.

“I still miss my sisters,” she said, her eyes welling with tears. “I know it’s selfish on my part, but I wish they were still here. I just wish they could see their children growing up. I know they would be so proud.