Andy Heller

FLINT — Half the movies these days are about the comic book characters of my misspent youth, which is kinda funny since I was always told comic books would rot my brain and spoil my character. They didn’t do that, but they did become big box office. Guess mom and all the experts were wrong. You know what I don’t get, though? I don’t get why superheroes today are so conflicted. I remember having epic arguments with my pals about who would win a fight between Superman and Captain Marvel. But I don’t remember Batman being so tortured. I don’t remember Iron Man needing Prozac. When did superheroes become so unhappy? Look at recent Hollywood history. Batman. He’s the “dark knight” now? But why? He has a cool car and batarangs. Iron Man. He’s drunk and unhappy. Again, why? He has a flying suit that shoots fire. They’re all like that. Hellboy is bummed. Ghost Rider is skinless and bummed. Spider-Man, he’s a mess. That guy needs Dr. Phil.