Technology and relationships: Is the social fixation a threat?

Not too long ago, I read an article describing how one New Jersey reverend asked his congregation to delete their Facebook accounts, saying they posed a risk to marriages. The reverend claimed that over a course of six months, 20 couples in his church had encountered marital problems stemming from Facebook interactions. The problems, he explained, came from temptations that the site created — such as reconnection with past loves.

The article made me think — does technology (cell phones and texting, the internet and social networking sites) threaten relationships?

The minute internet became a mainstay in the majority of American homes, communication changed. People tossed out conventional methods of communicating and started e-mailing, participating in chat rooms and message boards, and, eventually, joining mega social-networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. In step with internet’s popularity, cell phones also reached the many hands, and fingers, of America’s technologically savvy population. Soon, people started texting instead of dialing, and downloading enough applications to control their entire social world from the palm of their hand. Hence the accessibility dilemma — the direct link to people who normally would have floated in and out of your life. Some of these people may be past love interests, some old friends, or some may just be interesting, period. In the past, to stay in contact would take more time — scheduling phone calls or personal visits — now, you can pick up your phone or computer and instantly connect or reconnect. Using Facebook, you have the ability to send personal messages, e-mails, texts, and even chat. Twitter has some of these same capabilities. Both of the sites involve making your own personal page, then creating a password to keep what you choose private. Then there is always text messaging — probably the most private way to communicate on a whim. Each of these instantaneous communication portals appear to be popping up in headlines, but not in a flattering way. Most recently, Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York made headlines for an inappropriate photo he sent to a young woman via his Twitter account. Though he denied sending the photo at first, Weiner, who is married, later admitted to, not only sending the photo, but to sending other inappropriate messages and images using Twitter, Facebook, and text messaging. Innocent social exchanges appear to be increasingly turning into something not-so-innocent. Many people in relationships use social networking sites and texting to have discreet communication with people they either don’t want their significant other to know about or don’t want their significant other to know THAT MUCH about. Think about how easy it is — you create an account that your partner can’t access, you ‘friend’ an old acquaintance, you start exchanging ‘inbox’ messages to catch up with each other, then you exchange phone numbers and begin texting. The communication becomes increasingly frequent and personal. Now, some would say would already crossed a line — developing a personal connection that rivals that which you have with your significant other is considered an emotional affair. But your technologically-enhanced communication may even lead to the real thing — a full-blown affair. And while many people probably aren’t intentionally exploring options outside of their relationship by joining Facebook or Twitter or exchanging text messages, it can easily end up that way. After all, their initial communication is innocent... right? It’s difficult to say. If you are staring in the face of someone you know you could develop feelings for and accept that request or return that message, are you innocent? Isn’t that a little like opening Pandora’s Box? Committed people have always had temptations lurking outside the door, but obstacles usually helped to prevent any action. Don’t get me wrong, people are undeniably responsible for their actions, but doesn’t the social networking and text frenzy make it a little more difficult to say ‘no’? I mean, it’s like sticking an ice cream cone in someone’s hand and telling them not to eat it. They shouldn’t, they know they shouldn’t, but the majority of people will at least try it — after all, you stuck temptation in the palm of their hand. And so, here we are. A gateway to discreet curiosity in one hand, and a commitment in the other. People shouldn’t be banned from communicating with people outside of their relationship, but who decides the extent of that communication? Who decides what constitutes one too many texts or exchanges? I suppose it will always come down to character — what you will or will not do when an opportunity presents itself. Personally, I would like to see everyone take a step back from their phones and computers and look across the room at the person already there. Until that happens, next time you receive a ‘friend request’ from a long lost ex, attractive co-worker, or interesting stranger, be sure to ask yourself if it’s a risk you’re willing to take.