Why does anyone care about the Royals?

TRAVERSE CITY — What is it with some people and the British royal family? Some kid of one of them started preschool or something this week and they couldn’t get enough: “Look! How cute!” Cute, sure, but the kid’s just going to nursery school to finger paint and pull hair. So why does anybody care?

– Also, what is it about “The Bachelor” that some women find so irresistible? I just don’t get it. I’ve seen it. The TV’s on, Marcia watches it, so I end up watching it sometimes. Why would so many women compete for this one guy they’ve never met before? Isn’t that the most anti-feminist thing ever? And what’s the big deal — he’s a guy. He’s usually OK looking but he also usually lives eight states away. They don’t have men there? I also wonder about the woman who, ahem, wins and gets a proposal. You just know the first thing she’s going to ask the first time there’s no camera around is, “So, what happened on that fantasy suite date with those other women?” How’d you like to be him then? No, sir. Not on a bet. If they stay married, she’ll still be asking him that 40 years from now.

– Another thing I don’t get is why the Golden Globes audience cheered for Tonya Harding. Wasn’t Nancy Kerrigan the one who got attacked? Where’s her movie and applause?

– I got my first “baseball’s coming” tingle of excitement the other day. The Detroit Tigers reporting to training camp, which happens a little over a month from now, is always the unofficial sign of spring for me. But it faded quickly when I remembered the Tigers are going to be beyond awful this year. And next year. And the year after. And the year after that. That’s not pessimism, just the reality of small market baseball. Plus, I have zero faith in Al Avila. Here’s the most recent example of why. This blurb is from blessyouboys.com: “Detroit has signed left-handed pitcher James Russell to a minor league contract. The 32-year-old Russell last appeared in the major leagues in 2016 (making) seven appearances with the Phils that season, allowing nine runs on nine hits in 4 1⁄3 innings. He hasn’t performed all that well at the major league level, but is left-handed and almost throws 90 miles per hour.” Whoo! Exciting!

– The NFL needs to drop its rules about what’s a catch and what’s not. Why? I’ll try not to be too technical here but … they’re stupid. A catch is a catch. Not a catch is not a catch. You can tell which is which from the replay. Easy-peasy. The NFL over-thought this one.

– Sure, Oprah could be president. Why not? She’s smart, tough and compassionate, which in my mind are three of the top traits needed in that job. Besides, she was on TV, and that’s the top quality most voters look for these days, right?

– And sure, I make New Year’s resolutions. This year I resolved to not make any resolutions until such time as I develop grit and/or willpower.

“Summer is a promissory note signed in June, its long days spent and gone before you know it, and due to be repaid next January.” – Hal Borland.

— — —

Andrew Heller, an award-winning newspaper columnist, appears weekly in the Daily Press. He graduated from Escanaba Area High School in 1979. Follow him at andrewheller.com and on Facebook and Twitter. Write to him via email at andrewhellercolumn@gmail.com.