More column fodder from Trump

TRAVERSE CITY — Another week, another ridiculous amount of Trump nonsense to write about. I should be happy, right? He’s fantastic column fodder. But now the consistency of his “I’m not Nixon, I just act like him, on steroids” buffoonery is just depressing. This is not a man to lead a taco truck much less a man to run the country. And we elected him. Sometimes I can’t believe that. We. Elected. Him.

– Forget his tendency to react like a 2-year-old. What worries me is he doesn’t seem very bright. Take the firing of Comey. It never occurred to him that it might look a little funny to fire the head of the agency investigating him? That’s stunningly stupid. Seriously, you or I could have figured that one out. And he’s the president.

– And then he writes a ham-handed letter saying “While I greatly appreciate you informing me, on three separate occasions, that I am not under investigation …” Which is pretty much like telling everyone “This is about me being REALLY worried about the investigation that I’m not (wink, wink) under.” Hard to crack that code, Donald.

– And don’t take this as a defense of Comey, like the conservative meme going around says. Over a photo of Forrest Gump it says “And just like that, the same folks who was hating James Comey last year started defending him when the president fired him for the same things they once hated him about.”

– Oh, hysterical. Only — and I guess I’ll speak for everyone who didn’t vote for Trump — “We don’t give a damn about Comey.” Why should we? He helped stick us with Trump. The reason people are mad about it is because, from all appearances, Trump is trying to influence or quash an investigation of his ties to Russia. Which, damn the consequences or the party involved, should be of huge concern to all Americans, not just the ones who would have voted for a KFC Naked Chicken Chalupa before voting for Trump.

– The Naked Chicken Chalupa is that abomination where they fold fried chicken into a taco shell. Then dip the shell in lard. Then wrap the lard in cheese. Then the cheese in some whale blubber. And then they serve it with an appointment card for a heart stent.

– And in retrospect, I’d still choose one of those over Trump.

– But, seriously, why is this partisan? Why are my conservative friends fiercely saying there’s nothing to the Russian investigation when we don’t know that yet? That’s the whole point of investigating, isn’t it? And this isn’t a Republican Congress investigating. This is a GOP Congress. And (until recently) an agency led by a guy who helped get him elected. So why get defensive about it? Conservatives are the ones who are always saying their patriotic. Well, what does patriotism mean? It means being loyal to your country, and anything that damages that country is a bad thing, right? So are conservatives being unpatriotic for saying we shouldn’t get to the bottom of the Russian connection? Why, yes they are. I’m not sure how they live with that. But they do. And they do so (oddly enough) proudly.

“Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official, save exactly to the degree in which he himself stands by the country. It is patriotic to support him insofar as he efficiently serves the country. It is unpatriotic not to oppose him to the exact extent that by inefficiency or otherwise he fails in his duty to stand by the country” – Teddy Roosevelt

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Andrew Heller, an award-winning newspaper columnist, appears weekly in the Daily Press. He graduated from Escanaba Area High School in 1979. Follow him at and on Facebook and Twitter. Write to him via email at