Too sensitive about husband’s dinner with friend?
Dear Annie: I was recently out of town for a long weekend with some girlfriends. When I returned home, I opened the refrigerator and commented to my husband of 30 years that based on the leftovers, he must have prepared a nice meal for himself. He responded that he had invited my best friend, who is single, over to have dinner and watch a football game. He had not mentioned this to me during our text correspondence over the weekend. They are also good friends. I would not have minded if they had gone to a public place for a meal or a game, but I feel that the intimacy of their having dinner in our home was inappropriate. My husband said it did not occur to him that anything was wrong with what he did. I know nothing intimate happened between them. My girlfriend and I have been best friends for 25 years. Am I being too sensitive? — Surprised
Dear Surprised: Yes, you probably are being a little too sensitive about where your husband and best friend had dinner. But if your wish is that he have dinner at a restaurant and not your house, you should tell him. You were unable to tell him because the real issue is that you were gone for a girls weekend and only communicated with your husband via text. Marriage is about intimacy and communication. Had you or he picked up the phone, you probably would have been more reassured to hear his voice, and he most likely would have mentioned to you that your friend was coming over to the house. At that point, you could have said you really would prefer that they go to a restaurant. Relationships are all about verbal communication, and we invite trouble when we expect our partners to be mind readers.
Dear Annie: I am interpreting the situation described by “Steamed in Connecticut” differently than you did. I am thinking that the former co-worker really wanted to have “Steamed in Connecticut” and her husband as guests at his son’s wedding. I think the former co-worker and his wife were being very considerate by uninviting them. They knew that “Steamed in Connecticut’s” husband was not working, and they most likely were trying to be sensitive to their financial situation and take the pressure off them. — Gloria P.
Dear Gloria: That’s a brighter take on their behavior, and I appreciate your looking for the good. Maybe they really were just trying to be considerate. Even so, rescinding a wedding invitation after the fact is poor form and liable to hurt feelings. I wouldn’t recommend it.
Dear Annie: I’m replying to “Sleepless in SoCal,” whose new apartment has lots of noise. I wear earplugs to sleep because my spouse snores. I don’t miss my alarm. It could be that my body sort of knows when to wake up, but I can still hear the alarm with my earplugs in, and I wear the ones with the highest noise reduction rating. Perhaps “Sleepless in SoCal” could try earplugs on a weekend, set the alarm as usual and see what happens. She might be surprised. — Monica
Dear Monica: Wearing earplugs on the weekend to test whether she can still hear her alarm is a great idea. Thanks for the tip.
Dear Annie is written by Annie Lane, a young, married mother of two. Send questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.